From time to time, people seem interested in knowing what sort of weird things I do for my health.  Sure, I swish coconut oil around in my mouth first thing in the morning a few times a week (Crest White Strips are a thing of the past!).  Why, yes, I do actually rub a dry brush all over my body before getting into the shower.  Immune system boosted and dry skin be gone!  Drink apple cider vinegar?  Yep.  Go ahead and cough all over me.  But then people ask about my son’s birth, and I mention that he was born at home, and I get all.sorts.of.responses.  Mostly, people just tell me how brave I am.  They don’t really mean brave.  They mean nuts.  It’s okay.

Since we are now expecting Baby #2 (a girl!) in a few months, I thought it might be the appropriate time to answer this question: why on earth would you have your baby at home?

(Side note: I borrowed my title from Jim Gaffigan.  If you have never read (or listened to!) his book, Dad is Fat, do yourself a favor and go do so.  Especially if you are taking a long road trip.  I laughed all the way through Kansas listening to it.  And if you’ve had a home birth (Gaffigan’s wife has had five, I believe), you will appreciate his segment on home birth even more.  (Yes, they had another one after Mr. Universe was filmed.)  See below for quality entertainment.

 

So, Jim Gaffigan sums up nicely (with all his usual hilarity) the responses that people give you when they find out you’ve had or are having a baby at home.  Maybe if they stopped to listen to my reasoning, they might find me less crazy.  Regardless, here are seven reasons why we chose a home birth…

1.  I don’t like hospitals.

This is purely a me thing!  I feel uncomfortable in hospitals.  For me, it’s where I have gone to visit really, really sick or dying people who are close to me in my life, and it brings back those sad memories, not happy memories of new life.  I think hospitals smell funny, and, even though I’m not a germ freak, I definitely don’t think they’re as sterile or clean as they want you to think.  You cannot possibly keep a hospital germ-free.  I get this, and I’m even okay with this, but I’m pretty sure my house is cleaner…especially after nesting sets in.  (That is a real thing.  I went crazy.  You could have eaten off my bathroom floor.)

Also, I do not want to wear that hospital gown.  (The one that Jim Gaffigan swears somebody died in yesterday.  Okay, probably not actually true, but why do those gowns not have backs?!  I do not need to be walking around laboring with the whole world getting a shot of my rear end!)  Which leads me to my next point…

2.  I like privacy.

When I am going through something as intense as labor (I refuse to call it pain…it’s really different than pain.  It really is.), I like my privacy.  I don’t want people I don’t know/barely know talking to me/touching me/all up in my business.  Labor is really intense, and I need to focus.  I don’t want to answer your questions.  Odds are also good that I am completely naked because I am in and out of the shower a lot.  My labor was mostly in my back, so the hot water felt really, really good to me before I was able to get into the birthing pool (which was just a million times better than the shower!).  So, I don’t want people I don’t know looking at me.  I want privacy.

There were a total of five people at my son’s birth besides me and my son–my husband, my best friend who is also a doula (lucky me!), my midwife, a second midwife (because midwives actually do care about safety and never work alone!), and my midwife’s student who I had allowed to attend and watch.  (Hey, I’m a teacher.  I wasn’t going to deny someone the opportunity to learn!)  I also had a friend who is a massage therapist lined up to come to the birth, but since my labor ended up being in the middle of the night, I decided I didn’t want to call her, and I liked the size of the group as it was.  So, it was a small group of people I know and trust, and I liked it that way.

3.  My house is way cozier than any hospital, and I don’t want to leave.

For fear of getting redundant here, let me tell you how un-medical (read “cozy”) my house is.  We have dimmer switches, and table lamps, a fire place, blinds, a shower that I love and actually use without shower shoes, a kitchen where someone could go make something that smells yummy and comforting.  I love my house, but really I love it because it is my home with my people.  It feels safe and warm, and that’s where I’m comfortable.  That concept of “Hygge” you may have heard about (Danish word for cozy, essentially)?  It’s a thing, and I am all about it during labor…and just in general.  If things with my labor are normal and healthy and good, why on earth would I want to get in my car and drive somewhere???  Just keep me where I am.  And remember.  I’m probably naked.  I’d have to, like, put on clothes.  Ain’t nobody got time for that in between contractions.

Why do I keep coming back to the importance of my own comfort?  Because if you are afraid or uncomfortable, you could slow down or stall out your own labor.  What???  Yes.  Your body was amazingly designed.  If your body senses that it is in an unsafe place, your body will keep baby inside where he or she is protected and safe.  Once labor starts, I want it to work and be done already.  Do you know how many women labor quite effectively at home and then get to the hospital only for their labor to stall out?  It’s probably more than you think.  Ask around.  I was not going to be one of them.

Now, let me interrupt this little list to say something really important.  Hospitals are not evil.  No, I do not agree with everything that typically happens during a medical childbirth, but I also do not believe it’s wrong.  And yes, sometimes hospital births and c-sections save lives.  I am so thankful for this!  If the thought of going to a hospital during labor makes you feel more comfortable, go!  Some people like the option of going to a birth center, too.  I think those places are really great.  I just wish that people understood how incredibly safe and wonderful the option of home birth can be for a mom and baby who are healthy/normal.  (There are some situations or preexisting conditions that might preclude you from having a home birth, and I completely support those reasons, and if one of those things ended up happening to me, I would go to the hospital, too.  But, if all is well and good at home, don’t make me get out of my shower.  Just show up at my house and catch the baby.  Please and thank you.)

4.  I do not have time or energy to fight with anyone about what I want during labor and delivery.

No, I do not want an IV of fluids that will mess with my body’s natural hormone production (you need oxytocin in labor big time!).  Yes, I want to eat real food during labor, not those ice chips (the reasoning behind not eating during labor is weak and, in my opinion does not set you up well for a vaginal birth).  No, I absolutely do not want to lay on my back to push just so you can see the baby better.  No, I do not want to wear a fetal heart monitor constantly during labor.  You can check it periodically with a doppler so I’m not chained to however far those cords will reach.

And then the baby is born…  No, I do not want those eye drops (I don’t have any STDs).  No, I do not want you to cut the cord for probably at least 15-20 minutes.  No, I do not want you to whisk the baby away to bathe her after she is born (all that vernix is so, so healthy for her skin, and she will look clean and cute in no time and she will smell amazing all on her own).  No, I do not want him to have any shots, even the vitamin K shot (I gave him oral drops of vitamin K for several weeks as an infant).  No, I do not want my son circumsized before leaving the hospital.  We will wait at least eight days for his blood to begin clotting better on its own (and therefore, we don’t need that vitamin K shot yet again).  No, I do not want the baby to sleep in the nursery.  He will stay skin-to-skin with my husband or me for most of the first couple days of his life and we will begin our nursing relationship even before my milk comes in (yes, you actually have to start beforehand).  And no, he absolutely cannot have supplemental formula.  The colostrum he receives will be sufficient for him until milk arrives.

I am exhausted just thinking about all the things I would have to fight about in the hospital.  (In case you’re wondering, there are a couple of things I actually say “yes” to.)  Now, not every hospital is going to try to take away all of your rights to labor and deliver in the way that you choose, and I was actually quite pleased to find that my local hospital (should we need to transfer for some reason with this birth) is actually quite laid back and/or doesn’t even do some of these things.  But, wading through all of this during and after one of the most intense and emotional times of your life would not be my first choice!  (I am not entirely convinced that hospitals read your “birth plan” or have any respect for it.  Once you’re in the hospital, they like to be in charge.)

My experience?  My midwife asked me weeks beforehand at one of my appointments, what my choices were for most, if not all, of the above things.  I gave her my responses (or, in some cases, researched, thought about, and then gave my responses).  She wrote them down, and then she referred to them during and after labor and delivery.  There was no discussion about any of it unless I had changed my mind for some reason.

5.  I do not want to birth on anyone else’s time table.  My baby will be born in his or her own timing.

In the hospital, you have 24 hours to give birth after your water breaks.  That is, honestly, not very much time, particularly for most firstborn babies.  I think my son was born about 11 hours after my water broke (even though I was only in labor for the last five or so), so I would have been “on time” at the hospital, but I did not want anyone rushing me!  Lots of perfectly healthy babies are born after labors that are more than 24 hours, and as long as you don’t go touching anything down there after your water breaks, you don’t need to worry about infection (no baths, no checking dilation, etc.).  I did not want anyone rushing me or putting pressure on me to birth a certain way.  That stress put on me has the possibility of stalling out or slowing down my labor, not speeding it up!

6.  I do not need anyone “messing with my head” during labor about how quickly I am or am not progressing.

I do not want to be “checked” for dilation all.the.freaking.time.  I cannot tell you how many moms I know have ended up with epidurals or had c-sections because of this!  The level of intensity of your contractions may not perfectly correspond with the number of centimeters dilated all the time.  You may not progress evenly from 0 to 10.  (Maybe you do, but maybe you go from 3-7 in 10 minutes after being at a 3 for 6 hours.  It can be different every time and for each mom.)  If you think you cannot possibly go on, and then you’re told you’re only at a 3, you are probably going to opt for the epidural.  But if you don’t know where you are in dilation and just focus on staying relaxed, breathing and moving through every contraction, your contractions will be more effective and you’ll move along well.

When using this method, you do not need to be told when to push (like you couldn’t possibly have any clue what your own body is doing).  Instead, you will just feel an urge to push that you cannot suppress.  You will honestly just know what to do!  Trust yourself in this!  When I got past transition and moved into the pushing phase of labor, I just informed my midwife, “I’m pushing now.”  To which she replied, “Okay!”  Since my water had broken, she wasn’t checking me for dilation anyway, and she could tell I was listening to my body’s cues.

7.  I like all the little perks of home birth that you don’t get in a hospital.

My son was born at 8 in the morning after my labor starting around 3 a.m.  As much as I tried to eat and drink during labor, I really didn’t want anything and basically my friend was just shoving grapes and a straw of coconut water in my mouth periodically, and somewhat against my will.  (I will really try to work on this, but labor felt like an athletic event, and I do not have an appetite during races and competitions.)  So, my son is born, and the midwives check us both over, help me deliver the placenta (totally not scary or even remotely painful!  Huge plus.  Wasn’t expecting that.), and then said, “You guys must be hungry!  You want some breakfast?”  (Because I failed to mention that this was also a pretty intense day for my husband who never left my side and was just a natural and totally the best birth partner even though he had never done this before.  So yeah, he’s hungry too.)  So, after checking us out and making sure we were all healthy and good, they just shut the door to our bedroom and went and made us breakfast, and then they brought it in for us to eat in bed.  It was pretty great.  Then, later, they came in and cut the cord, did baby’s newborn exam, etc.  They made a nice herbal sitz bath for me to soak in (uh-mazing!) and even made some herbal pad ice packs for me to use later that week (also uh-mazing!).  Then, they cleaned up everything and ran the laundry and the whole bit.  You could not tell that a birth had just occurred in our condo.  It was all back to normal again (there are tarps and old sheets and a birth pool, and towels and the whole nine yards, but that all gets thrown out or washed).  Before they left, they literally tucked us into bed and kissed our foreheads.  I am completely sure they do not do that in the hospital, and yes, at that point, you want them to.

And then the midwife came back to our house on the second day (and maybe at day four?  I can’t remember now), and then called us a few times that week to check in, and then came back one more time for our one week appointment.  And we never had to leave our house!!  I seriously could have stayed in bed for a week straight (and probably should have).  No schluffing off to appointments or having nurses come in and out of your room when you’re trying to sleep.  Everything is calm and quiet and rest is much easier this way!  You just sit and snuggle your baby and try to figure out nursing and sleeping and healing.

So, this is why we chose a home birth as a safe option for a healthy mom and baby, and we hope to have this second baby at home as well.  Would you ever try a home birth?  Comment below!  I welcome your discussion, questions, and comments!

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